Families are gathering across the U.S. for Thanksgiving, but the season is not always full of cheer for everyone. Clinical psychologist and author Dr. Joshua Coleman discussed how to manage depression and anxiety around the holidays.
Why the holidays can be hard
– Seasonal changes and less daylight can trigger seasonal affective disorder.
– The holidays amplify feelings of loneliness if you are alone, estranged from family, or lack close friends.
– Media and social feeds create a “highlight reel” that prompts comparison, shame, or a sense of defectiveness.
Family stress and conflict
– Being around family can stir up emotions and conflicts, especially over politics or longstanding disputes.
– Dr. Coleman recommends preparing ahead: have conversations before gatherings to set expectations (for example, agree not to discuss politics) and establish boundaries to preserve relationships.
– Make agreements with family members (one person can call “we’re not going there”) to defuse recurring fights.
– Track how you communicate and model self-control, especially in front of children.
Practical strategies to prevent escalation
– Know your triggers: identify which relatives, topics, or situations provoke shame, guilt, or anger, and plan how you’ll respond.
– Set clear, simple boundaries in advance (e.g., “I’m not going to discuss that subject”) and be willing to walk away if a conversation becomes destructive.
– Have an exit plan for yourself: decide ahead of time when you will leave or take a break if things go south.
Managing travel anxiety and pre-visit worry
– Anticipatory anxiety (“What will they say?”) is common while traveling to holiday gatherings.
– Prepare calming plans: rehearse phrases, plan short breaks, and remind yourself you can leave to preserve the relationship rather than let it be destroyed.
Self-awareness and response choices
– Think about the person you want to be in these moments; how you begin and respond to conversations often predicts how they’ll unfold.
– Small choices—pausing before replying, deflecting, or changing the subject—can reduce conflicts and maintain dignity.
– If children are present, prioritize being a good role model by avoiding escalation.
Reminders for social media use
– Remember that online posts are highlight reels; they rarely show full, everyday reality. Limiting comparisons can reduce feelings of isolation and inadequacy.
When to seek help
– If feelings of depression, anxiety, or isolation are persistent, severe, or lead to thoughts of harming yourself, contact a mental health professional or crisis resources.
Dr. Coleman’s core advice is simple: know what your triggers are, set boundaries ahead of time, plan exits when needed, and act in ways that preserve relationships and your own mental health. Happy holidays, and be gentle with yourself.
