The holidays bring together family and friends, but they can also increase stress, sadness, and worry for many people. Clinical psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman explains practical ways to protect your mental health during this season.
Why the holidays can be hard
– Shorter days and seasonal changes can trigger seasonal affective disorder or lower mood.
– Loneliness feels more acute if you are alone, estranged from family, or lack close social supports.
– Social media and curated holiday images create comparisons that lead to shame or a sense of not measuring up.
Managing family stress and conflict
– Family gatherings can reawaken old tensions, disagreements about politics, or unresolved hurts.
– Prepare ahead: have brief conversations with key relatives to set expectations about sensitive topics and behavior.
– Use simple agreements to keep peace, for example naming one person who can say we are not going there if a topic heats up.
– Model composure, especially around children; how you respond often shapes the tone of the event.
Practical steps to prevent escalation
– Know your triggers: identify relatives, topics, or situations that reliably provoke shame, guilt, or anger.
– Set clear, short boundaries in advance, like I am not going to discuss that topic, and be ready to leave or change the subject.
– Have an exit plan: decide beforehand when you will step outside, take a break, or leave the gathering if needed.
Managing anticipatory anxiety and travel worry
– It is common to feel anxious before arriving, imagining criticism or difficult conversations.
– Prepare calming strategies: rehearse neutral phrases, schedule short breaks during visits, and remind yourself that leaving early can preserve relationships rather than destroy them.
Choices that change outcomes
– Decide who you want to be in these moments. Pausing before responding, deflecting, or changing the subject often prevents escalation.
– Small actions like taking a breath or offering a neutral comment can shift the conversation and protect your dignity.
– When children are present, prioritize modeling calm behavior and avoiding public arguments.
Using social media wisely
– Remember that online posts are highlight reels, not full lives. Limiting scrolling and comparisons can reduce feelings of inadequacy and isolation.
When to seek help
– If depression, anxiety, or isolation are persistent, getting worse, or lead to thoughts of harming yourself, reach out to a mental health professional or crisis resources right away.
Core takeaway
– Know your triggers, set boundaries beforehand, plan exits, and act in ways that maintain both your relationships and your mental health. Be gentle with yourself this season and prioritize small, practical choices that protect your wellbeing.